It's seems like for years I've been living in a cloud. Not really present. Replaying the scenes of my life that I wish I could do over again. Recently, it's been a conversation I had with a previous employer. Some of us may do this at times. Go over the could haves, would haves, and should haves. Not truly accepting the situations for what they were and the reality of how they played out. We may say to ourselves, "if I'm ever in that situation again I will not react the same way." Or even say, "I will never do that again." All that replaying is a waste of time. When we look back at the best and most difficult times of our lives as they played out, the minutest detail could have changed the person you are today. Accepting it makes you stronger.

After giving birth to Nina, I was looking forward to getting back to work, however, it didn't work out. I was called to a meeting with my former boss on what I believed was going to be what my future role and obligations would be after the recent changes. After about half and hour or so, my former employer and I came to an agreement that it would NOT be the right time for me to return. Or at least that's what she made me believe... that WE came to the agreement. Truthfully, it was her. She made the decision to let me go and it was done with the best positive phrasing imagineable. It bruised my ego...the subtle, yet, not so subtle rejection. I heard it loud and clear. I believe the opening line was and I quote, "I really need a strong person for the job." But what did she mean by that? Didn't she realize that's what was sitting right in front of her. A women who had recently given birth to her fourth child, while holding down her home and taking care of her other young children, all the while her husband was moving forward with his career. Why, the very nature of a military spouse is that of strength. This role is not for the weak. Yet, I let her believe that I was not "strong" enough for the position. This is something that I will regret for a long time. The fact that I remained still and in the moment.

We continued to have a conversation on how life changes and used a few cliches. Then when the meeting was over, I held my head up high and walked out as if it didn't even phase me. I accepted the situation for what it was. And that in it of itself takes a lot of strength. Acceptance has made me even stronger.

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