7.08.2008

Status Quo

A dear friend came over the other day for a visit. Something that we hadn't done in along while. We caught up on our summer trists and upcoming events while watching our children play in the pool. After about an hour or so, she mentioned that I looked sad...indifferent. The way she said it really resonated with me. Those closest to me have noticed a change, however, have not been so bold as to confront me with it as directly as she had or have totally missed the mark and taken it personally. Many have asked me if I was upset with them. Not so...it's me.
She's was right. I'm not quite sure where this sadness is coming from but I've been feeling it, lately. It's something that has come over me and has been following me like a shadow. I'm not feeling depressed. I know what that feels like but it certainly feels like a loss, a heavy feeling that has come over me. It feels like I'm mourning over something. The only thing that I can attribute these feelings to is my approaching birthday. I'll be 38 soon. The last time I felt this way was when I turned 25. These are crazy numbers to be upset about...I know. The status quo is usually upset about turning 40 or 30. But, no not me. I guess in a way I'm saying my long goodbye's to my thirties and to some extent to my girlish dreams. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself with three children under the age of six at this age. I imagined my self with older children and the opportunity to be enriching my life with a more mature crowd. Perhaps, even deeper in my career.
The dreams have changed and now I don't know that my interests in careers are the same. But what I like is a mystery to me now. I've had a long nap and my dreams are a bit foggy. I have the time to figure it out. Not many peole have the luxury to do this. I know that I am very fortunate to be at a place where this can be done. Amen! In the meantime, I have my children and recent interests to pull me through the sadness. I can't wait to see where the next 38+ years will lead me.

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Thanks for your comment on my blog about my photos -- I'd be happy to share anything I know (which is mostly to practice and make lots of mistakes!!)

    I use a Nikon DSLR, and a variety of lenses -- an 18-55; a 20 fixed; and 18-200. I love taking macro shots -- and am saving for a macro lens.

    I do use Photoshop CS3, but also, Photoshop Elements (on my laptop), Picnik (which is a free service on the web -- www.picnik.com) and the in-software editing in Picasa (also free, www.picasa.com). I use a PC.

    I've learned a lot posting my photos to Flickr (also free, www.flickr.com) and just flipping around finding photos I like and reading about how other photographers take pictures -- and Shutter Sisters, which is a wonderful resource.

    What kinds of pictures do you like taking? Do you use Photoshop?

    And on another note -- I read your latest post -- I'm about to turn 39 (in less than a month) and I understand the feeling you discuss. But, I'll tell you -- it's strange, but this photo hobby thing makes me feel really good, and it's a wonderful distraction. Keeping busy is always a good thing, in my opinion! Please feel free to email me at my regular address and we can chat more!

    lyn.lepre@marist.edu

    Nice to meet you!
    --Lyn

    ReplyDelete

Thank you.